Postmodern Pansexual

No! Angelo L, who is both built to spill and right to write, has launched a blog! Due to my low income and creative disillusionment, I cannot let another Nutley citizen open Blogland's gate without engaging her or him in a full-scale war. Not going to be personal though -- Mr. Angelo, you'll be dropped into the already-underway Wilbur-Jen-Nick war! Oh fuck -- Mr. V passed away a few days ago. So -- carries the one, subtracts the twelve, solves for x -- the war, once again, has three participants. The Angelo-Nick-Jen war, or ANJ (that's not fair), or JAN (that's neutral), began as soon as Ang launched his first (surprisingly decent) post last night. Hey guys, guess what . . . I'm winning! The official standings card reads "4-1-1" -- followers of my blog include Shvet P, who is a really cool dancer (Sarah -- that's the one, right?), and Nick L, who once declared my blog "no OFFENSE, but jen's blog is written BETTER and is EASIER to follow." I love my former editor. Too bad he's a wreck and a wretch. Where were we. Nutley. Yeah, before that. Lyndhurst? No, I meant linguistically -- not physically, munch. Oh, I've realized that the "nice string of" stories meant to grab select stereotypes has gotten me nowhere. Angelo L, in his blog The Life of Lamb, created a glossary which establishes local bases. I need to do that -- so, when I say, "Sarah and Jen made out in Rocky's," you know the dames tongued in a pizzeria, and not a sexth-rate erotica shop. Let us do this! (And, foreigners, it's best if you keep Google Maps in your pocket -- just in case.)

Yantacaw Park ~ On one side there's a nice basketball court -- the opposite side provides us with a plastic playground; we prance upon its manufactured delights. The middle land is mostly poorly-kept grass which gets very muddy and supposedly acts (or will act) as a football practice area. There's fun walkways, smoke-infused stairways, and a symbolic stream (where we'll frequently find shopping carts!) in the mix. Yantacaw is deftly popular amongst the youth and it'll be both a romantic getaway and a buffer until actually deciding what to do on whatever day.

Rocky's ~ Pizzeria on Franklin Ave. It provides us with terrific food and fun talk. The establishment alternately has the radio delivering rock hits or the television giving us the latest Nets score (Thunder singe Nets, 639 - 27). The environment is profoundly informal and social.

Nutley Public Library ~ The premises provide after-school discourse and meet-ups with graduates and outsiders. The library itself is fine -- I found a clean copy of Flatland one day. This place may as well be the dorks' paradise and the pool of pop opinions which sort of characterize the town. It is -- by its nature -- a relaxed environment.

Burger King ~ Nutley's BK was taken over by stoners in '74. It's a small, cheap entry into the local culinary canon. Look -- it satisfies us, so even though we hate ourselves after each meal, we continue to patron the fast-food joint.

Nutley Little Theatre ~ The elites of our town go here for a little escapism and, sometimes, just to say, "Hell yes I see plays. Last week I caught Dave's Garage at the local theatre. I have the the ticket stub! Look, dummy!"

Starbucks ~ On Franklin Ave. the dwindling-in-popularity coffeehouse sits, begging for trouble. Fights are fought, drinks are drank, and boring phrases are released from equally boring kids at this mini-hellhole.

Booth Park ~ Much like Yantacaw, Booth serves the little tykes and the young adult set simultaneously. It provides a more relaxed environment than Yantacaw does, along with housing some of most memorable cell phone-breaking moments known to man and insect. Look for a bunch of naturalists, romantics, potheads, and oh yeah, I think there's a baseball field on the side closest to Burger King -- so, find some athletes there . . . too.

Rite Aid ~ Burger King's sly neighbor is very pretty (you know -- for a Rite Aid). The parking lot provides aimless discussions about weed, girls, coolness, what we're gonna buy when we finally go inside the store, and coke.

Comic Explosion ~ Dave's secret love is on Centre Street -- and it's not Playgirl. It's this comic book store which will provide an icy but artistic atmosphere, cult fun, and pop romance. The owner's a really nice dude -- stop by!

Visit Angelo's blog for more places that Nutley inhabitants may trample! Heh! In reading my fellow author's debut reference post, I came across the best paragraph penned by a bowler since Brian Chilcutt, writing for Striking Difference Experience, considered the spare's importance to a whole tournament!

I'm going to steal the acronym ADFF, by the way, much like the interviewee snatched my description of Dave sin permission! I'm also happy Mr. Angelo L gave us the name of Nutley's school newspaper. I always referred to it as Yeah, I Guess That's Interesting Enough to Write Nine Sentences About or Why Would We Edit That? Spelling Errors Make the Paper More Hood, Yo. But, from now on: Moron & Grade-F. Is that it? Considering my specs are tinted and I'm on a Commodore, I may be mistaken!

"Things Done Changed" in our lazy town. After Jen took home the Bloggy for Best Female Performance (Main Role), she has gradually made her way back into the positive pop scope. Bigots like Marina C still want to brutally massacre her "anorexic constitution," but the average opinion of Miss Jennifer looks something like: "Whatever. She's a fun person, and she clearly has no inhibitions -- which I guess isn't her fault. Eh, I'll stop making her time here Hell." I'm proud of the pint-sized merrymaker.

I have hid it very well. Until now, no one has known about my lascivious obession. Well . . . I'm going to brace myself and just let it out: I watch gay po -- hello? Friends, what are you doing here . . . Sarah, Angelo, Dave, Jen, Snooki . . . uh . . .

What is up my bros and my hoes? It's Angelo. I came with my friends -- each of us has one of those lists that Nick hates. We're awesome.

Angelo's Top Twelve Songs Ever

1. "K.I.A. (Killed in Action)"
2. "Beat on Repeat"
3. "She's a Genius"
4. "Black Hearts (On Fire)"
5. "Seventeen"
6. "La Di Da"
7. "Goodbye Hollywood"
8. "Walk"
9. "Times Like This"
10. "Let Me Out"
11. "Start the Show"
12. "She Holds a Grudge"

Hi, it's Sarah! Um, Angelo . . . isn't that just the track list of Jet's new album Shaka Rock? No! No it isn't! Shut up! Er, it's Sarah again . . . Nicole, can you call the ambulance? It doesn't look like he's conscious. What does the mean again? Just forget it -- I'll call. Dave, take over? Sure. Sarah, I think I'm gonna unlock the cage we put Nick in. Nah, I'll wait a little bit. Jen, you're awfully quiet today. Don't you wanna post stupid things on Nick's blog? Actually, Dave, ha ha, this is gonna be good! Lemme in that chair. Okay, my name's Nick and my blog is a fucking disgrace to blogs everywhere. I wish I could write like Jen. Her blog jen's blog is such a treat. Every time I visit it I cry because it's written so well. By the way, I enjoy watching gay porn. Oh, Nick, really? Creeper. Anyway, this is Jen again and we'll post something else later. But we all gotta go to the hospital now! Wish Angelo well.