Lovely Tones

Hello again, fellows and las. Dunno about your impious posts, but everything in my blog is made from pure concentration! "That pun would of worked, Nickbro, if, like, it mentioned imagination maybe, but, like, right now it's just a clown of a joke," responded Anthony C. I'm sorry readers -- I'll see you in a few paragraphs to drop some wittier tidbits.

I know y'all think I'm some indulgent elitist who eats foods you never heard of, watches films which aren't released yet, and listens to bands that don't and won't exist. You're right. But in my other life (the one you know me in; Nick Rapper!) I'm an altruist, constantly breaking barriers to bring you (the reader) posts about you (the student).

So, let unselfish weakling Nick Rapper promote a dazzling t-shirt; it's designed by outspoken society critic Anthony C. Edit: the product was removed from the website 'cause Ant didn't sell any in the first [arbitrary number] days. Sorry, brother-in-law -- literally, we are both off to Steven Seagal's School of Law (comical?) this June. Some awe?

Fictional Account consumers haven't exactly begged me for sports discourse, but too bad! Y'all know I'm a passionate Philadelphia lover. Cheesesteaks, South Street, shoofly pie, Phillies, Flyers, Sixers, Eagles. Don't talk shit about Philly. The 7-4 Eagles are playing the Falcons (Vick's former quad) Sunday. Please watch and cheer us on. No one cares about dat Giants-Cowboys game. More importantly, a key moment in Philadelphia history will occur on Monday. Allen Iverson is back. View this emotional press conference. We play Denver. Yes, Denver.

Eh, New Jersey sports are lame. Devils do fine (18-7-1 this second) -- sure. But Nets are 1-18 and just bring this state down. First win tonight was bittersweet. What else? I'm not going into the 6-0 Nutley bowling team. They're fine.

Jersey Shore: honestly, the first half hour was entertaining. Then it quickly headed south. There's about three camera cuts per second, the characters are boring, and MTV isn't even trying to exaggerate these personalities. Bunch of partying losers at a house. Fuck that. Don't give MTV ratings. The Hills' numbers are sharply declining. Let's just get this station off the air -- unless, of course, they return to playing music videos!

Something that's a okay about the Garden State is the live music! Intimate venues like Wellmont, Maxwells, and Starland are fundamental. Then there's Bamboozle -- the annual festival at Meadowlands. It's big, expensive, and usually has a slew of sub-par acts, but it unites us! Bamboozle 2010 -- Paramore on Saturday, Weezer Sunday. You'll catch the rapper there in six months, even if he has to sit through a freeform set by All Time Low.

Good job The Strip -- the trailer for what looks to be a contender for Worst Anything . . . Ever rips off compositions by Vampire Weekend and Andrew Bird. Plagiarism is wrong accordion to a certain librarian! Either way, the flick hath been released limitedly! An exclamation point turns any tiresome sentence into a born hero!

Crepe creator (or crepeist; yeah, we'll go with crepeist) Dave C turned me on to the lovely I Feel Like Crepe. It's a cute little creperie in Toronto -- um, I just drove up to Canada a few days ago. Don't believe me? "Nick, you run a fictional blog -- of course I don't believe you. Queermonger," replied Anthony C. I really dislike haters. So . . . here's their webby.

The main course of our post arrives late. Sean M is planning on opening up a few universities. The Mary Jane School for Stoners and Scrubs is all about, yeh, weed. Creation, distribution -- you name it, they teach it. Slogan: "How high can you go?" Then there's the as-of-now untitled prostitution institution, with the motto "Why we suck." Eliot Spitzer's former call girl is apparently going to direct some classes! Ugh, I'm sorry -- this is a family blog; I must cut this filth short. Talk to Sean about his good, but inappropriate, ideas.

Fun post, eh? Greedy and needy folks forced me to speak of all this bullspit. Right now I must say that readers and characters will deliver a few delicious lists soon! Sure you'll find organized collections from corps such as EW or Complex, but now Fictional Account will be dishing out year-end rubbish to boot! From your fellow students! I'm commissioning some guys to write decade essays, too. Anthony C will write a history of piracy, Marina C will talk about the formation of the quintessential lazy bitch, and Jen A will author an account of the rise (and hopeful fall) of Uggs. What a fun ten years. New poll to come. Merchandise. Meet-ups. Take care, broke fucks.