Second Month

"And you, you're not doing too well

All the blogs are about you, girl

They caught you in the park after dark

giving head to a statue, girl

Oh, cruel!" -- Black Kids (it's a band)

We enter November on that note by our Jacksonville cousins. Fun month. Who you got on Tuesday? I'm voting for Socialist candidate Gregory Pason, while you'll probably vote for that lard Chris Christie. Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, Lebanon's Independence Day, a certain Nutley novelist's birthday, . . . tomorrow is the blog's one month anniversary. Send me e-gifts at twitt -- ya know, I actually prefer tangible gifts. I want your presence to go hand-in-hand with your presents.

Overwhelming positive reaction to Jen and Dave stories has brought me no choice. I discovered this note, written in Dave's sloppy print, on the floor of Web Design. Here's the complete text:

Yo Jen I'm in English and I'm bored as hell and The Crucible is shit and I been thinking about you. I know ur dating Scott and all but like how about our ska show what the hell was that? We've been icy and shit and I just want us to be friends at least plz. Okay well ill give you this in web design. Dave.

Ew. Upon my first read of this abhorrence, three reactions went in quick succession -- a huge laugh, a correction of Dave's grammatical errors, and the obvious "I'm keeping this!" But since the text is forever in deh internetz, I'm about to throw this shitfest in the bin. Make what you want of it.

Moreover, Weezer's new album Raditude drops on Tuesday. Comedian Lil Wayne is on a track so I just can't wait! In all seriousness, we've only begun.

Countless nights of deep, psychotically penetrating thought, and I've concluded that it won't work. Dave = junior. Jen = sophomore. Dave = Jew. Jen = not sure (which probably means she's a devout Satanist). Dave = gay. Jen = bisexual (?). Dave = 347 Facebook friends. Jen = 807 Facebook friends. Dave = non-athletic. Jen = cheerleader. Dave = convicted rapist. Jen = reported molester. Dave = one syllable. Jen = one syll -- fuck!

Look, I'm not going to breastfeed you logic. I gave you the facts. Get off your couch 'n analyze like some forensic scientist working on the Wayne Williams murders. Okay?

Couple weblights. The Not Playing Farmville Facebook group has flourished. Here's a wall post: "One of my friends came home in the middle of Trick-or-Treating because, and I quote, 'Holy shit, my grapes are about to go bad.'" Here's a bit from Twitterer extraordinaire Vanessa: "Imagine if they gave out baggies of coke on Halloween to adults like one gives fun size crunch bars to children[.]"

Munch on those and look forward to the cool air of November, the cool prose of your favorite blogger, and the cool TRANSITION TO SOCIALISM. Bye.