Human Beings

Contain yourself. What I am about to reveal to you may make your giddiness meter exceed boundaries thought definite by historical figures such as hardcore meth user Jen A. The time: Time to Add New Characters. The place: the Internet. Put your hands together for some of New Jersey's most upstanding citizens:

Anthony D ~ I know, I know -- three Anthonys, how will you keep track? Fear not, brothers and sisters! Primarily, this writer will be referred to as AJ or the liturgical "Divinity." The latter's a joke bro, chill. He's a really cool dude, and is the primer spokesman for today's youth. AJ is the Nutley novelist I alluded to a week ago, and will be a felicity in tales to come.

Katie P ~ Check the comment's section. You'll read a cringeworthy remark requesting this young woman to be part of our kingdom . . . not sure if it is Miss Katie demanding inclusion or some troll being, I don't know, trollish. Hopefully these words are meaningless by now, though -- I'd like if the comment was removed by its owner. Greet Miss Katie, the sunny student who "wins" at life and will hopefully enjoy her stay at New Jersey's emotion-based nickrapper.blogspot.com.

Sarah B ~ No controversy present in this delightfully straightforward addition. Miss Sarah said, "I wanna be a character," or something strikingly similar, and she enters, free spirited! Sharing a few classes with our narrator, she'll infect all passersby with her cheery outlook, positive sentiments, and engaging vocal harmonies. Characters, if your boyfriend dumped you, or your boyfriend doesn't know you're in a gravely passionate affair with Flannel Ravioli's lead guitarist, come to Miss Sarah B for uncensored, genuine advice.

Ravi P ~ One my dearest pals, this freethinking competitive fighter will impress you, I guarantee. He aspires to be in the UFC -- er, wish him the best in all his pursuits, though we kinda hope he deeply reflects on this abhorrence of a career choice.

Dan K ~ Party starter, philosopher, future firefighter, and commendable intellectual, look for him in posts about underage alcoholics and rap conventions. In all seriousness, I really love this guy, and want him to spread his good-natured charm wherever he roams, and want him to remain an active purveyor of sophomore girls.

Bonus Jonas (Fun Junk)

• According to gay-bashers, homosexual lovemaking is wrong! Well, if gay sex isn't right, then I guess gray sex isn't white!
• "What's up?" Dan said to me. "A terrific balloon-filled Pixar movie," was my response.
• I called a radio show some months ago and jested, "I don't get out much, but I do watch a lot of reality TV!"
• I'm a writer and a rapper. I'm a wrapper! Please don't trash me.
• "How are you doing?" Dan said to me. "How am I doing what?" was my retort.